On Diane Keaton

I'm SORRY

Saturday was my longest long run of this training cycle (which you can read all about here), and on my way home from 20 miles in the rain I saw the news that Diane Keaton had passed. My immediate thought was “I need to watch First Wives Club immediately.” I went home, didn’t even shower, and proceeded to rent it for a whopping $3.99. (Don’t fret, I showered after my viewing)

Last fall, coming off one of the weirdest marathons of my life and a pretty significant heartbreak that ended up coming a few weeks later, I watched Something’s Gotta Give for the first time. The way Keaton would bring all of herself to a role is something that I will always admire and love her for; I know how silly and wild my own breakdowns can be, and as I sit here typing this I am listening to Hayley Williams’s newest music wanting to scream and cry while my fingers furiously find the next phrase. Her characters gave us a gift, her wildness gave me permission to feel out of control but still have it all together.

Over the last couple years I’ve unintentionally surrounded myself with watching various Diane Keaton films — some absolutely brilliant, and others just perfect comforts. Her filmography does something for me akin to Nora Ephron’s writing and directing; there’s a comfort, a strength, a vulnerability, and an absurdity that wraps itself into the most wonderful homemade present you could ever receive.

So today, I say in her honor “I’M SORRY.” I’m sorry for my big feelings, I’m sorry for standing my ground, I’m sorry for knowing what I want and need and not settling for less. The trick of that scene and that rant? She’s not really sorry, and neither am I. Thank you, Diane. Thank you to all of her collaborators. I promise to remain at least a little (a lot) unhinged always.